To Die Is Gain

I never would have thought that I would ask God, beg him, to allow a child to die... 

But yesterday, I did. 

I came home from church in Port-au-Prince to find Chimene literally fighting to live. She was connected to an oxygen machine, her chest rising and falling with slow, shallow breaths. For several minutes I watched sweet Ketlie, Chimene's angel of a caretaker, gently push milk through her feeding tube. I silently prayed for God's mercy and his healing and his presence. 

Pretty soon, Chimene's small, weary body began seizing, and my heart crumbled. 

As I watched her, I was faced head on with all the ugliness of sin. I felt, maybe for the first time, the full weight of Adam & Eve's decision to disobey God in the garden... the weight of my own depravity. 

Because sin has separated us from our Creator and has made us objects of wrath. It brings forth everything evil and unrighteous and unjust. It's the reason that precious babies like Chimene suffer.

And in that moment, the consequence of sin was enough to make me nauseous.

But as I grew more and more disgusted with the reality of sin, my longing and love for Jesus simultaneously intensified. 

I began to realize the depth of mercy that He has shown us. I thought about his sacrifice, and the gift that he offers hopelessly sinful people, and the glory of heaven. I remembered Chimene's sweet smile from a few days before and pictured her in the presence of God Almighty, dancing before him and shining with the radiance of righteousness. 

And as all of these things flooded my mind and my heart, I began pleading with Jesus to take Chimene to be with him. I wanted her to be made whole. For her joy to be complete. 

I wanted him to let her die. 

Because in that moment, I knew that death would be her gain. 

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory. "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"  -1 Corinthians 15:54-55 

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. -Philippians 1:21

Chimene finally went to heaven early this morning. And when Allison came upstairs to tell us during school that she had died, I felt nothing but complete peace. 

I knew Chimene had received a new, immortal body and had met my Jesus face to face. 

AND THERE IS NO GREATER VICTORY.